Sunday night inner ramblings...

So, once again, I have decided to try and start blogging...for real. I'm going to try and be super honest and not censor myself (too much at least), because I feel I really need a place to talk and share...and hopefully get feedback. :) So, here goes. It's kind of jumbled up though..so forgive me for that...

The last few weeks have been beyond frustrating for a number of reasons, but I am thankfully able to see the blessings in my life every day...even if it takes me awhile and I can't see it when things are happening. Work has been interesting, and I love my job, even with the challenges...that is one thing though I want to keep separate...work. So we'll move on. Besides that, I've been dealing with lots of family things the past few months...in December, one of my cousins tragically died (all death is tragic, but this was especially so), then another cousin dropped dead suddenly, another ended up in ICU and decided to code a time or two...and we just got the news on Friday that my mom needs a heart cath-immediately- "just to be safe". What the heck?! The problem with that, is 1) I know in my head that it's going to be ok-I have tons of pts come through and are discharged right after/within 24 hrs of the test... 2) I'm 14 hrs away by car and while it's only 2 hrs by plane, there is another hr from the airport to where my parents live (and that's without traffic)...3) there is that underlying fear you have whenever someone you love undergoes anything...


Phillippians 4:6 says: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  This should be like, my life's theme verse...but that is one of the hardest things I deal with in my Christian walk...like everyone (I think/hope), I often find that the human side takes over and I fall into that trap and find myself worrying...when I can't control it anyway...so why do I do that? I am beyond blessed-I have a wonderful life, family, friends, and a God who gave up His SON for me.  He did this so I wouldn't have to spend eternal life in hell Because he loved me SO so SO SO much!!! And I worry and question what is happening when He has a wonderful plan for me... I am working on just giving it over...not being anxious....and just praying when those fears creep up...


We are starting a "revival" type series at our church. I didn't get to hear the sermon last week because i was with the kiddos in children's church, so today was the first one of the series I heard...it was amazing. Pastor spoke about getting joy back in our life and how it is directly related to our relationship with Him...which got me to thinking...yes, I talk about how blessed I am...yet I complain and fuss and get down on myself (to my family mostly...or in my head) about how I don't feel appreciated for "everything" I do to help others... but am I *really* thanking God for His blessings in my life--TO Him? Or just talking the talk to others...and not really showing Him how grateful I am for His blessings...it was definitely an eye opener for me. I know the devil is going to do everything he can to try and stop our church and each of us from growing in Christ...but I think with our faith and prayers, we are going to succeed and see an amazing revival happen in our church....and hopefully in our town. 


I'm not sure if any of this post made ANY sense..but hopefully it did. I pray that someone, somewhere is blessed by this and maybe needs to see someone else is struggling with worry and anxiety...maybe putting this out there will be the first step for me and having it somewhat public (stef and rilla) ;) will help me focus more on working towards that pure freedom that giving every single thing over to Christ can bring...


One last thought...Pastor said something today in church that really really struck me, and I want to post it here....so last thing I'll put is this:

Born once, die twice. Born twice, die once. 

Think about it...and which one you may be...Remember, Christ loved you enough that He sent his own SON to die and pay for your sins. There had to be a payment with BLOOD...and He chose to let his son take that and pay for us so we don't have to! Every single one of us...can you even comprehend that?! 


That  sure is love right there....

...have a wonderful night...